Conversations with Eddie

Eddie is one of those guys you just like. He grows on you. He's very easy going and impressionable. If you know anything about American westerns and cowboys, almost every hero has a sidekick. That would be Eddie. We work together. Although, I would not ask him much about politics or the state of the economy, I definitely enjoy having him by my side and he makes work and life much more enjoyable. Here are a couple of conversations we recently had. Honest to goodness, they're true. His words are highlighted in red.

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After working outside on a rainy day...

That water was wet!

Yes, it was. It normally is.

Yes, but it was really wet.

Water is always wet, Eddie...

But...

Hey, Eddie, just because you put a rubber on your dick doesn't mean it's going to bounce.

Huh???

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While driving past a Hooters restaurant...

Why do they call that place Hooters? I mean, it's not like the girls show off their...

No, Eddie. Don't you know what Hooters are? They're owls.

They are?

Yes. Haven't you ever noticed the owl in their logo? The eyes are the 2 "O's" in the logo.

Really?

Yes, check it out next time. Besides, they're famous for selling owl wings.

Owl wings?

Yes, owl wings. I mean, they're probably more famous for chicken wings, but they do offer them.

I thought they were on the endangered list.

No! There are millions of them.

Oh.

Besides, they don't kill them.

No?

No. They're like frog's legs.

You mean, they grow back, like frog's legs?

No, the wings don't grow back, but they don't kill them, either. You know how owls fly around seeking out their prey? Well, when they live in captivity and are fed every day, they don't need to fly around looking for food. Sort of like clipping parrot's wings. They just kind of waddle around after you cut off their wings. As long as you feed them, they're fine.

But, I've been to Hooters and I've never seen them on the menu.

They don't offer them all the time. Besides, they're very expensive.

They are?

Yes. You know how shrimp is always available, but lobster is always market price?

Yup.

Well, there you have it.

You know, a new species of albino shrimp was found in a cave somewhere...

Where?

I don't know. Somewhere in China, I think.