Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Blog King - iCommandIt


In 1940, Charlie Chaplin starred in a movie called "The Great Dictator". This is kind of, sort of, similar to the movie that paralleled a certain tyrant who once existed in the world.

The poor little guy never knew when the craziness hit him. Still doesn't. I mean, voices in his brain had been telling him a lot of things most of his life. Sometimes, being an only child and distant from the crowd will do that. Aloof. That's what they called him. The inner pain was etched into his very soul. The pain was real, but voices told him it wasn't. It is not a fair life, when deep inside, you understand your brilliance and it becomes an obsession to educate the world. The world must know of your genius! The voices must be heard! They must be heeded!!! You will turn them all into one and become the true voice. Just wait, the world will see.

"I know," he said. "What better way than to start a blog forum? I will make you fishers of persons!" Must be politically correct, you know. "Hey! Who writes the rules here? I do, right?" Sometimes, the voices answer back. Sometimes, the voices are his students. Students in the imaginary classroom of his mind. After all, there can only be one master in the realm of Urbany. The rest must follow. All the world is a student body. "We need new students," he commanded. "There are millions upon millions out there in the mysterious world of blogging. Much more than any mere classroom can hold. There is a whole world of students out there who will listen to my word. They must!"

"There are rules on the Internet you must follow. Why? Because I make the rules. I can make them as I please, any time I want."

You cannot show pictures of your children. You may not show pictures of your pets. You must obey me or you may not be a part of the Internet community. If I capitalize words on my blog, there is a reason for it and you must respect my wishes by capitalizing the same way when you comment back. You must use your full name. Why? Because I demand it. I am an omnipotent leader. How can I be master of the entire electronic universe without this knowledge. I must know who you are to stop the fake on-line identity. You must be truthful, verifiable and legal. I will always have the final say. You must obey my teachings on all subjects. If you disagree, I will rip you apart and banish you. You may not come back. Only I can break my own rules because I make the rules. Do you understand?

Doctors aren't sure when the obsession began. They think it wasn't a particular day that took his mind away. Here was a Midwest country boy living in the urban core, perpetually glued to his keyboard. It was a slow and dramatic evolution. Eventually, all those voices just kept getting louder and louder. The on-line voices and the ones in his head became confused. Where are they all coming from? These new voices answered back. Sometimes, he didn't like what they had to say. This must stop!

The doctors told him to get out of the house. All teachers take vacations. Stop sitting at the computer, staring at your blog all day and into the night, waiting in stark anticipation for your students to respond to your strokes of brilliance. "They are masterpieces. I know it. My students know it. How long will it take before the entire world knows it? They must! Hurry! Answer me! I command it!"

One day his students stopped paying attention. They became blind to his madness. They logged out.

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