Thursday, June 07, 2007

A Message From Paris: To My Adoring Fans Everywhere!

Do you want to know what really happened to me, boys... why they let me out? Let me tell you, it was not fun in there. The TP was like wax paper. The food was... well, I don't even want to go there. It was, like, SOOOOO bad! Back to the TP tissue issue. For 3 solid days, I couldn't poop. Beautiful girls like me don't poop anyway, do we (wink, wink)? Oh, I pee peed alright, but I had to hold in that horrible food for, like, 3 days!!! Since I never pass gas (God forbid!) it got pretty nasty back there. The guards found me all pukey like and rushed me to the jail infirmary, where the not so beautiful female nurse discovered I had become quite impacted. Hectum in the rectum, oh my!

(Memo to nurse: Cut your fingernails.)

Anyways, I was taken to the hospital where I was given an enema. Canned peas and corn went flying all over the room! They decided to send me home. My tummy can't handle that type of food. Gimme a break! Corn flakes for breakfast, bologna and cheese sandwich for lunch? American cheese? Get real. Don't ask me about the meatloaf.

My poor little rearend hole hasn't been this sore since... well, we won't go there, either, since I don't talk to him anymore.

Thank you all for your support! I will be a good girl from now on. Ouch!

Love & Toodles,


  1. Funny! Funny! Funny!


  2. Thank you, Stephanie. Did you have any problems like that when you were in the "hospital"?

  3. Hilton I presume. Poor girl :)

  4. Yes, Ina, and she was a real basket case for a while. When she got out, she really cleaned up her act. Poor thing was crying like a baby.